Mother Of Bride Nightmare

This is alot of reading and a bit of drama, but I am sure someone has had a common issue... If you don't like drama.. You may want to skip along to someone elses thread, for some may relate & some may feel reading all this is a big waste of time!!! I really spent alot of time looking through and searching before I actually posted, but I didn't find much... So here is the situation... I photographed a wedding for a Bride & Groom, that their mother had paid for... My contract has the signatures of the B&G as well as Additional contact person, the mother. I could tell she was going to be hard to handle... but the couple was wonderful and I really enjoyed working with the two of them. So here we are 2 weeks later and here are the kinds of emails I have been getting from her...

"I hope you got a pic of my nephew walking me down the aisle in the church. Thus far, nobody took that picture. I know you had said you'd pick the proofs for the proof album. However, I was also wondering, suppose not much of my family is picked for the proofs? Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't want the majority of the pics to be the children, either. It wasn't their wedding, but I know some of the pics will be cute of them. I would like to see pics of people I know, and not have them eliminated??? I just would not want my relatives and friends eliminated for that album. I hope you understand what I am saying??? I also hope some pics were taken of Sherry in her evening gown alone for we don't have any here. We were rushed out the door and no shots of the evening gown were taken here, I think, except, in the living room, when I was supposedly fixing her tiera. That was her favorite gown."

"Hi Kimmie, I looked at the pictures and they turned out pretty good. I was wondering, though, if you got my nephew/Godchild walking me down the aisle in the church? I see a back view, but not a front view of us. I see two front views and one back view of Mr. B... and his daughter, but I don't see a picture of a front view of me and my nephew coming down the aisle in the church. That was one of the pictures I wanted and the other was one of Sherry standing by the glass-stained window at the church. I already know you don't have that one for you told me that you forgot to take it. That's OK, but I really would like to see the front view of me and Donnie coming down the aisle in church. Do you have any of just Sherry in her evening gown on the deck? I did see one of her standing on the steps at home. It is a shame we were so rushed (after everyone getting their hair done) that we did not have time for individual and group pics at the house. Could you please check to see if you have a front view of me and Donnie coming down the church aisle and Sherry, by herself, in her evening gown, on Kurtz's deck? Since you took over 2,000, I was hoping those 2 were in those other 500???" My Response... I apologize if you are disappointed I have missed a few photos, I have posted what turned out & I did even go through the delete photos, I believe you must have been fairly close behind Aaron's Dad coming down the aisle because by the time I turned around after photographing Aaron's Dad lighting the candle, the first photo I had of you was coming up the stairs and I took the photo of you lighting the candle. I sense you are not very please with the photos. Again, I am sorry I missed those photos important to you, I hope you may find some others in the Gallery you may like to choose for your album.

MOB... "Kim, what bothers me, is "I" paid the $1500 and the shot of the Mother of the Bride with my nephew (who I really wanted in the wedding) did not happen. I was not any closer to Mr. B... than the bridesmaids were to each other. There are two front shots of Mr. B... and Angie. We were told when to start down the aisle, after the person got to a certain place. My only hope now is a friend thinks she may have snapped that picture, but sometimes non- professional pictures don't turn out that good, and she's not sure if she took it. Otherwise, there is not a picture of that moment, other than the backsides of us (which does not show our faces). We will see."

This is from the Bride... Again we are both very sorry for what my mom is doing. I dont think that she is very good at just letting an issue drop, she continually will talk about it for the rest of her life. I totally unterstand if you dont feel comfortable dealing with her. It is not fair for you to have to be treated like she is treating you. L:ike I said previously Aaron and I couldn't be happier with the photos and we are 110% glad we chose you as our photographer. I think that you got all the photos of everyy important part of the wedding. For some reason she is being extremely difficult and I am not going to try and make excusses for her. If you feel that dealing directly with Aaron and I is what needs to be done we are fine with that. Aaron and I bothe agree that we dont want any hard feeling with you and Brian because we would love to use you for future work.(not including my mom). PLease accept my apoligy and I hope we can get this all figured out.

My Response to the Mother.... I am sure we could have got many more portraits of Sherry and Aaron, with certain individuals, by themselves, however, by the time everyone was ready, it was a rush to get to the ceremony and afterwards during formals, Sherry said she was done, I asked Aaron one more time if they were sure they didn't want anything else and he said "yes, she is done"! So right into the reception we went... I do believe I took photos of Sherry in her evening gown at the house? All I can tell you, so we can move forward with this, is what is posted is what is available... Any of the other photos, were not sharp, missed a flash, an embarrassing face, an exact repeat... Something you just would never print, so they hit the trashcan right away before I even spend time editing. I will keep your suggestions in mind in the future, thank you. While, I respect the fact that you financed the photography for Sherry & Aaron's Wedding, that was a decision made between your family, not between us... I am essentially hired by the Bride & Groom & the contract reflects that, so anytime I am contacted outside of the B&G, I always keep them in the loop... So please do not send me anything they can not see, for I always forward the discussion to the B&G... I am only saying this, because you have outright asked me not to share your emails to me, with them. I have to this point enjoyed working with all of you, however, I feel have been brought into family conflict that I do not wish to be involved in, as well as, am being asked at this point to produce images that are simply not available to offer.. I feel like you are more concerned about every photo I did not get, rather then finding another photo that I did capture to enjoy, like the beautiful photo of you sitting next to your nephew in the pew, you looked wonderful in that photo. Every photographer I have ever met & worked with, will do their best to meet every request but there is always a side or footnote, that every photo requested is not a quarantee, again going back to this not being a controlled event. I advertise myself in a more photojournalistic manner, trying to capture the event, not direct the event... I was the photographer, not a wedding coordinator and made it clear in the consultation that is how my workflow is on a wedding day.

I hope we can work together to create beautiful memories from available photos, in albums that you can enjoy & positively remember this day!

From MOB... "I am not asking you to get in the middle, for this is between you and me; the person who paid the bill and worked for the money to be able to do it."

With ALLLLLLLL that being said, in your experience, since the Bride has essentially gave the go ahead to bypass dealing with her mother, even though she was the person who made all payments? I would love to go with that, but just the little glimsp I have gotten of dealing with her mom, I am not sure of the right decision? Not to mention she obviously feels otherwise... She has gone as far as asking is and when she will be able to choose the photos for Aaron's Father's album? That just seems rediculous to me... I don't want to exclude her, but I am surely not going to discount the rest of the family to appease her. I would love advice if you have had experience in this situation! Thanks in advance!